When making art, music, or poetry, it's all a scrambling attempt to document the ephemeral "somethings" of the day to day. and often in the end you're left with this clumsy, weird, handcrafted blob.
then, you publish it.
it's not an exact transcription of your feelings, but it's an effort.
This album came out of a difficult period in my life, and I hope that for any listener, in my weird, clumsy, handcrafted blob, there is a little something to hold on to.
Thank you!

Link to album mood board (personal photos, drawings, etc.) : www.tumblr.com/terrafirmamusic

For those more curious about context, read below:

I started this album in the winter of 2021. Emotionally, I was in a bit of an in-between state. The previous summer I had officially come out as trans, and I had gotten myself into my first relationship as myself in this “new era” of identity. Everything was vulnerable, everything was new. This project also marks the first time, despite its still amateur/newborn sound, that I feel I took a real crack at creating a cohesive project. An album.

You could probably sort this record in the category of “break up album”, but to me it feels also like a moment of self discovery and self-assuredness amidst an ocean of insecurities of different sorts in my life at the time of creating it. A claiming of my space as a human, and as a person who makes things.

After a while the relationship I had found myself in grew toxic and fell apart. My ex-partner had a lot of internalized hatred and self-disgust, and eventually it spread over to me. It was my first time really experiencing the pressures of a learned "male gaze" and trans-misogyny. I unraveled completely. My identity and body shattered. It was confusing and intense. I met them at a vulnerable time in my life, and they took me into their hands irresponsibly, and hurt me badly. A lot of this record was made in a near catatonic depression, I would not go outside or talk to anyone for days, I would lock myself away, then edit/record tunes before I went to sleep when no one could hear me.

The one positive thing that that relationship did give me was a bit more of a solid feeling about my art. My ex was always very insistent that I had something special that needed to be communicated (thank you) , and in a lot of ways the idea of completing this record became a means of survival. If I could complete this record, then I will have lived, I will have overcome. Proved something. This record is my primitive stamp on the world saying “I’m here! I have something to say! and I’m alive!”.

The character I am playing on the album cover is that of the warrior. While writing this album, for the first time, an image appeared in my head to represent the sound of the project. A vast lake, with a deep pine forest on the other side, and within its depths, underneath stones, a woman awakening; covered in moss and wielding a sword. A vision I jokingly call my “transgender Joan of arc moment". This record is my way of saying enough is enough, a way to stand up for myself, despite feeling insecure about the sound, having been hurt, i choose to show compassion and create something out of it all.
My fighting spirit.

the ex's favorite constellation was "Orion", with his belt, shield, and club, sporting a strong stance, and onward gaze.
During the dissolution of this relationship, through lies, complexes, and high strung emotions, I would get angry at Orion for appearing above my house every night. That is until I realized the relation between the warrior in my vision, and the warrior character, Orion.
there was a sort of kinship between these two symbols.
Through that realization I was able to reappropriate Orion into my world, becoming the warrior archetype, filling that constellation with my own music/sonic world. I became “Orion” or “Joan of Arc”, as if to eat up my ex's toxic mindset and the pain they’ve caused, to digest the strife given to me as a trans person, the way that I am viewed societally, the way men and partners have treated me. I put my stake in my own land, and claimed space on behalf of my queer siblings and the person I wanted to become/was becoming.

making this, i always had a base to go back to. this little project kept me gazing forward.

Trans bodies and minds are not places for any bigotry or mistreatment to trespass. I do not want anyone to be the martyr with holy wounds, I want us to wield the weapon. I want us to take back autonomy, and share the fruits.
It has been a lot of work, frustrating at times.
As I said earlier, art at its most essential, one could say, is a scrambling attempt to document intangible things. And scramble I did! It is not an exact play-by-play description of the events that occurred, but rather a vague condensed ghost or impression of my experiences. However, loose lyrics, muddy sound and all, it's at least an honest ghost. A labor of love, a clumsy healing patchwork of sounds and songs.
As a young artist I hope to sharpen my skills and keep delivering these impressions to the world as long as I can, hopefully more developed as I go along.
To anyone who listens, thank you very much for your time and ears.
much love - Terra Firma